The Lost and Found

It's now been a little over two months since I quit my job. I quit because I felt God was wanting me to make a bold decision in my life - to trust Him for provision. There wasn't enough work to keep me busy, so the HR department offered me the chance to accept a "separation" of employment, with a two week severance package and the opportunity to go on unemployment. The timing was also good because I received my Federal tax return and I could use that to offset the difference between unemployment and my salary (MN only pays 60% of your wages for unemployment - not enough for me to live on alone). So I felt God was pointing me in the direction of quitting my job.

I've had several interviews since, and have been in the final group for two different positions, but have not yet received a job offer. I am beginning to get worried as my Federal refund is quickly dwindling, along with my patience. I am beginning to question God's direction for me, and have begun to even question His love for me...

"As I look at humanity, I can only describe the human personality as one designed for relationship with something from which it has been separated. I hear this rift in conversations, read it in books, listen to it in music, interpret it through psychology, and so on and so on. The idea of this separation has come to feel obvious to me. And perhaps I mean that as a confession, a kind of lens I see the world through that robs me of objectivity. Kindly forgive. I needed the reality when the fantasy stopped working.

-Donald Miller, To Own A Dragon

"And when we don't return, He is like the Great Shepherd of our souls who goes out seeking us, even the one lost sheep."

- Donald Miller, To Own A Dragon

It's times like this, when I feel very far away from Him, that I need to realize that He is closer than ever before and is probably carrying me through these tough times. He understands my struggles and the doubts that I am feeling. I want to learn to love Him for these difficult times I am experiencing, because I think I will learn to appreciate His love for me more when times are better.